Overcoming a Life of Despair with Optimism

Terry Taylor has been through many things in her life that have led to self-discovery. Though those things came with ups and downs like being diagnosed with breast cancer and not be accepted for who she is by her parents earlier on in life, she has still found a way to be happy with where she is in life and be comfortable in her skin. Photo credit: Nataylia Taylor

By Nataylia Taylor

In a barber shop anywhere in Nashville, you can find a woman, low-cut and comfortable in her skin. Terry Taylor, the daughter of a bible-thumping, church-going black family, is a barber who has been through more than her clients would say she deserves. From being a part of the LGBTQ+ community in a family that wouldn't accept her to being diagnosed with breast cancer, she has never stopped being a person her clients chose to follow to her next barbershop to get a good word with.

Terry Taylor is a 51-year-old barber in Nashville, Tennessee. Though her newer clients see her as just a barber, her older ones see her as a family and someone they can open up to about their problems because of the comfortability she provides. Because of her vulnerability with her clients about everything she’s been through, she has created a community of her own to in which support is given and gained on both sides. She learns about herself through her clients and the reflection she does on her own time to better herself and her attitude towards life.

The following is an excerpt of a conversation with Ms. Taylor. This interview has been edited and condensed.

Having an understanding of your sexuality now, were there any memories from your childhood that you look back on and see present self in?

I remember when I was maybe 8—what is that third, fourth grade- anyway, there was a girl in my class that I thought was gonna be my wife. You know dad—your grandfather doesn't like the gays, honey, so I didn’t know nothin’ about people being gay, I only grew up around hetero relationships in church. I remember being so upset with this girl though, because she liked this other lil’ boy that I thought was just so ugly. She would run around tryin’ to get this boys attention all the time at recess and I would try and sabotage him to make her lose interest and gain interest in me. It didn’t work though so I spent all of third or fourth grade actin’ a fool.

Knowing how your parents felt about homosexuality when you were a child, did you have any anxiety coming out to them? Did you have a way you expected it to go?

I came out to your grandparents when I was around your age, so I knew how it was gonna go since I was already used to their bullshit. I wasn’t scared to come out to them because I knew no matter how mad your grandfather got; he wasn’t bout to do nothin’ but threaten to whoop me—which he didn’t. I knew your grandmother would try and act like she agreed with dad's reaction but after a while she realized she could have her own opinions. I definitely had plans—or a dream for how—well a hope for how it should play out but I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. Your grandfather was upset and disappointed, your grandmother said it was a phase but wasn’t hard on me about it, so it went a lor better compared to how it could have went.

If you had any kids of your own, how would you respond to them coming out at a young age?

I would do to you what I did to you. I would listen to them and help them through it with the experiences that I have. Honey, I don’t want anyone to have to go through what I did when I came out. I honestly don’t think I would even care if they came to me sayin’ they gay, it’s not a big deal to me and it doesn’t have to be made a big deal. I just treated you like normal when you told me, and honestly, I think I would have wanted that rather than being hugged and told everything would be ok if I had the option when I was younger coming out.

Since we’re on the topic of big events in your life, what was your initial reaction when you found out you had breast cancer?

Girl, what do you mean what was my initial reaction? I was scared as hell! I remember praying as soon as the doctor told me while she was in the middle of a sentence. I remember shushing her and starting to cry. I heard her leave the room after a few seconds once she figured out what to do with herself. After I prayed, I sat in the room for a few minutes, and she came back in with some tissues. Honey, I guess I started crying at some point, I don’t remember, I was a mess. I knew I would be fine I was just scared shitless.

Now that you have overcome breast cancer, what are some reflections about yourself you can make while you were on your breast cancer journey?

You know I’m very religious, I’m very close with God, so I grew a lot spiritually. I still don’t go to church just because I don’t have the energy because of the chemo (you have no excuse) but you know I read my Bible all every day and do sermons, which you can do too. I also started meditating more and taking care of my health more than I already was, which I know has rubbed off onto you. I’m just taking care of myself more in every... realm- every aspect- of my life.